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GROWN UPS has me down. How could five such funny men make such an embarrassingly unfunny and pointless movie? Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, Kevin James, David Spade, and Chris Rock have made a film that only 10 year old boys could love. And not in a good way. We’re talking the “pee-pee ka-ka doo-doo” school of filmmaking.

The plot involves five friends who re-unite at the funeral of their beloved boyhood coach. They spend a weekend in the woods together with their extended families and then the fun begins. David Spade falls face down in dog poo. Twice. Grandma farts. Mario Bello squirts breast milk at Maya Rudolph. Kevin James pees off the side of a boat and then on David Spade. Salma Hayek skips a stone into her son’s crotch. Finally several of them pee in a public pool. An emotional catharsis ensues and they all realize that family, friends, and the simple pleasures are what life is all about.

Not only are the jokes primitive, but the thing has no structure, no dramatic shape or interest, no real characters or feeling, no forward momentum save the need it might arouse in an audience to flee the theater as quickly as possible. I saw it with Adam Sandler’s mother in the audience. I wonder what she was thinking?

GROWN UPS–It just opened “number 2” at the box office– I think that says it all.